The quiet, far gaze of an admirer
by Passion's Wrath
Summary: The beginning of a fanfic involving Jushiro, Shunsui, and Unohana. The story will involve good old yaoi lemon, hurt, comfort and love. This first chapter gives us insight to Jushiro's feelings for Shunsui; sets the stage for the later chapters to come.
1. Chapter 1-It all begins with a dream

**Hey guys! My first attempt at a Yaoi fanfiction and its with a favorite couple of mine: Jushiro and Shunsui. Do give it a chance and read on. You never know, you might like it!**

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Jushiro was content watching from afar. It meant that his gaze could linger a little longer, taking in every detail of _his_ being leisurely. He could savor _his_ physique without impeding and interruption. Although, he would want to reach out and stroke _his_ brown locks, he settled for this. For Jushiro didn't know if _he_ reciprocated his feelings. Nor did he know if _he_ actually swung that way.

Therefore, for the time being, this would have to do.

"Ahh seems like someone might be in love"

At the sound of the teasing statement, Jushiro sat up rigidly and tore his eyes away from _him_ , just in time for Unohana to not catch who he was looking at.

A deep blush spread across his pale face, making the masking of his activity all the more harder.

Unohana chuckled, amused at his flustered demeanor. _That was Jushiro for you. Everything he felt was clearly written on his face._

"Its so sweet to see far away romanticism. Actually, its novel, no?"

Jushiro looked down at the book in his lap, trying to avoid her gaze.

"Although, I don't know what you're speaking about, I do find the idea of gazing at your lover discreetly novel like. But it is only novel like"

"So you're denying that you're partaking in such a novel idea?" Unohana couldn't believe the gall of Jushiro, lying sheepishly to her.

"Like I stated before, I don't know what you're talking about" Jushiro bent his head down even further to hide from her questioning eyes.

Unohana sensed Jushiro's reluctance of discussing the topic further, and it threw her off. Jushiro was always candid and oddly sensitive, especially in conversations. For him to hide his feelings, it must be serious.

"I always come here and find you sitting in this exact same position, at this exact same time. Whomever you have feelings for Uki, she must be very special."

He heard his heart beat loudly in his ears. _Of course he's special. He's always been special._

Smiling, Jushiro looked up at his dear friend, relaxing his worried expression. "Don't butter me up Uno. Don't do it, because it's not going to work."

"It made you smile!" At that both of them broke out laughing, the tense moment passed without a hitch.

"One day you're going to want to do more than just look and when that day comes I'll find out who that someone is. And when I do!—" Jushiro threw a hand full of grass at the laughing Unohana.

Uno, also known Unohana, was Jushiro's best friend, companion and other half. They entered the academy together in hopes of finding a better life for themselves.

Unohana jumped on top of Jushiro and they tumbled down the hill. Laughing and giggling at the light hearted banter and play fight. As they stopped to catch their breath, they laid beside one another, panting.

"Seriously Uki, who is she"

Sighing heavily at his best friend's persistency, Ju sat up, with his knee drawn to his chest.

"You seriously want to know Uno?" In attempt to show how serious she was about her inquiry, she sat upright, with an earnest expression on her face.

"Yes."

Jushiro looked away from her, and his eyes wondered through the crowd, settling on the being of his affection and lust. _He_ was sitting on the grass, _his_ long legs crossed, with a book in _his_ large hands. A pensive look on _his_ gruff face pulled into contraction by heavy concentration.

Jushiro liked _him_ the best when _he_ was in solidarity. When _he_ was with people, he would be charismatic, and charming. Everyone wanted to talk with him, be with him. His presence was both exhilarating and fascinating. Men wanted to be his comrade and women wanted to be his...well. He was a popular fella all year long; day in, day out. But in moments where Jushiro happen to find him alone, is when he found _him_ most alluring. For it would make him seem approachable, and peaceful.

"Uno, if you really must know..." he said in a low, husky tone. So enticing was his tone that Unohana leaned in close to him. It was like intruding on a moment of intense intimacy.

But the moment soon passed as he saw _him_ get up abruptly to meet a very interested female companion. A mischievous smile spread across his face. Envy tugged at Jushiro's heart and he felt ridiculous for feeling this way, but he couldn't let Uno see. He couldn't let her witness his disappointment and embarrassment.

Shaking his head, he looked at Unohana with a small, but sad smile.

"No one Uno. Because if it was someone, you would be the first to know."

It was easy to lie and it was better to lie. Afterall, it wasn't as though his dreams were going be to actualized.

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 **A bit of a teaser to the fanfic. Do feel free to comment and suggest what you would like to see transpire between Jushiro and Shunsui. Note: Although Jushiro never says _his_ name, it is Shinsui. **


	2. Chapter 2-A fateful toast

"Oh Kami...this is not good, not good at all..." Jushiro managed to whine and mutter the sentiment simultaneously.

Although Jushiro always admired a good physique, at the moment, Shunsui's was less admirable and more of a nuisance. For at the wee hour of 2 am, Jushiro was carrying him to his quarters. Well, he was trying at the least.

It all began when Jushiro's study group had suggested they celebrate their satisfactory grades and his stellar grade on their Regulations test. Even though he wasn't one to go out and mingle with others, with a little encouragement and a lot of pleading from Unohana, he reluctantly agreed.

"How bad can it actually be?" he told himself, inspiring himself to be a bit more confident.

And so he went with a newfound determination. He made sure he dressed a bit more fashionably than usual. It wasn't as though his classmates had asked him, he just...wanted to. He wanted to feel a bit more confident, and it was crucial to look the part.

Looking the part was one thing, but feeling it was an entirely different matter. And he soon discovered the difference amongst those two as he sat at the sake table in silence while his classmates giggled, laughed and discussed topics that would be deemed "inappropriate" by their School headmaster. From time to time Unohana would attempt to involve him in the group conversation, but to no avail, he would only smile politely. Finally, he gave up and excused himself. But no one seemed to notice, even his best friend. Yet, it didn't bother him. Most things never bothered Jushiro because he acknowledged what an awkward yet gentle soul he was. He understood his shortcomings.

"You're so out of place in here that you stick out like a three headed dragon." At first Jushiro had thought he had said this himself because of the deep state of concentration he was in. After a moment, the realization settled in that his own voice wasn't deep, with a husky base and a laid back tone. And then Jushiro saw him lean against the railing of the balcony.

"You know, a soul like you doesn't belong here" said Shunsui casually. It wasn't an insult, more so a statement. Regardless, Jushiro was rendered speechless. After many days and nights of stolen glances and lingering gazes from a safe distance, here he was. Standing beside him, not aware that Jushiro's heart was beating at what felt like a thousand miles, and his blood rushing like a tsunami through his body. A sweet rush washed over him, the feeling blissful yet alien.

Yes, blessedly he wasn't aware. But, Jushiro saw him arch a thick brow at his inability to respond. Realizing this, Jushiro cleared his throat and said timidly: "I know, but..." he trailed off, his heart though not beating rapidly, but with more of a slow yet resounding thud. Each thud powerful a reminder of his attraction to him. He quickly casted his eyes to the ground. A nervous habit from his childhood days.

"But..." Shunshui urged him to complete his sentence.

Taking a deep breath, Jushiro forced his head up and smiled shyly. "But my friends asked me to accompany them. I didn't have the heart to say no. Actually my mind sternly told me it was a bad idea, but my heart succumbed to my friend's pleadings" He laughed nervously.

He prayed that he wouldn't sound like an idiot or a know it all. And to his pleasurable relief, Shunsui had found it rather amusing and a lazy smile formed on his gruff lips. Upon seeing the smile that had tripped him once in the hallway so close, Jushiro clenched his hands in tight fists. A sudden surge of desire went through him and his heart came to a brief halt.

"You must be a good friend. Sacrificing the known for something unknown and possibly uncomfortable."

Jushiro forced himself to respond "Sacrifice is one of the pillars of a relationship"

"I thought it was trust"

"Trust is among those as well"

"Is that you speaking from experience?" Shinsui inquired with mild curiosity.

Jushiro chuckled at the question. _Me in a relationship…funny._

"Perhaps..." he left it at that.

Shunsui somehow had sensed Jushiro's reluctance at being open. That's when Jushiro suddenly saw him hold out a small shot glass which definitely contained substance that would definitely make him loose lipped and comfortable.

"To trust and sacrifice" Shunsui said with a smile while extending the shot glass towards him.

Time seem to be suspended and Jushiro knew that this moment was a crucial one for him and Shunsui. It was an extended gesture of friendship, or companionship that would most likely last a night. It didn't matter whether it was short or long term, what mattered was that there would time Jushiro could spend with him to make small, but cherishable memories.

With that in mind, and a smile in place, Jushiro took the glass in his hand and raised it.

"To trust and sacrifice"


	3. Chapter 3-The epitome of teasing

Maybe drinking with him had been a bad decision. But how could he have foreseen that he would be lugging a drunk Shinsui to his quarters.

 _I should have stopped him_. He thought regretfully.

Shinsui had continued to chug shot after shot. He drank like a villager after a severe drought. At one point, the sake started to seem like water.

With a tremendous amount of effort, Jushiro let himself and his heavy passenger into his room, knocking down his flower vase in the process.

"Damn" he muttered. A prickly sensation ran down his back.

Jushiro was a man of order and structure. Accordingly, his room had been set just right because Jushiro believed the concept of perfection was far-fetched. Nothing in life was perfect, it was only 'just right'.

The couch had been positioned just right to catch a hint of morning sun while remaining obscured in the living room's shadow. Everything from his bed to his undergarments were placed just right to allow convenience, comfortability and structure.

So, when he saw the vase's broken remnants scattered all over his floor and under his couch, he was annoyed. He practically rushed towards his bed and discarded Shinsui on top of it.

Kicking off his shoes, he immediately started tending to the mess. He didn't bother grabbing a broom. Instead, he knelt down, thinking he could piece it back together. He then reached for the pieces underneath the couch. As he sat back, a sharp piece insert itself on the square of his foot.

"Damn, damn, damn" he said angrily. It was three in the morning and here he was, fretting and fussing over broken glass. Meanwhile, the object of his lust and affection was drunk and strewn across his own bed. The realization made him feel pathetic and small.

"I don't understand why you took off your shoes before picking up the pieces"

Without missing a beat, Jushiro stubbornly replied "I mopped yesterday."

Shinsui shook his head. Maybe to shake off the lazy haze induced by liquor or at the meticulous nature of this would be soul reaper.

"I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I had woken you up." Jushiro stretched his legs out in front of him to assess the damage.

"I'm honestly quite surprised to see you awake. You drank for at least 8 people." _Careful. You shouldn't be so honest._

"Sorry if that sounded harsh. I mean—"

"Don't be. I get that a lot." Shinsui smiled nonchalantly.

Jushiro was pleasantly relieved and sat up on the couch. He leveled his gaze on Shinsui. A dark shadow started to form around Shinsui's mouth. Making his lips look fuller, and inviting. His eyes hooded with an emotion not quite distinguishable, but visible. A storm was brewing in them, but what kind? It was hard to tell.

 _This man…_

"I can see that you can handle your liquor. But why drink so much? I was under the assumption that people drank to get a…a euphoric sensation. It seems to me that you don't feel that anymore or it takes quite a bit to get to that point"

Shinsui held his gaze and smiled. The smile reminded Jushiro of a butterfly's fluttering wings. Absolutely captivating.

Shinsui stood up.

"You're right. Partially that is." He said lazily while taking steps towards the couch.

"I'll let you in one a secret, rookie" he followed it by a mischievous wink.

"There are three types of drinkers. You're obviously familiar with the first one: the buzz drinkers. Those who drink to feel a high." He stopped in front of Jushiro, who was sitting on the couch rigidly. His neck strained from looking up at Shinsui. The gesture emphasized how imposing and full a figure he was.

"Would you like to guess the second one? I think you should know because you fall into that category" a teasing question.

That warranted a timid answer: "Social drinkers". The close proximity of his physique was distracting. It was throwing is Jushiro's cognitive functions out of balance.

Shinsui took a strand of his long grey hair between his fingers before dropping to his knees in front Jushiro.

"People like you don't have a reason to drink unless there is company" He said in a low voice. Jushiro unknowingly leaned forward and lowered his gaze. Fully aware that his desire was stark.

"What about people like you?"

Shinsui chuckled before answering. "People like me? I like to think I'm one of a kind. I can't be grouped."

 _You are one of a kind._ It was on the tip of his tongue, but his voice was caught in his throat.

Their faces were interlocked by the tantalizing sensation of unsaid but implied desires.

"I drink to numb myself" his lips whispered closely to Jushiro's. He could almost taste the hint of sake.

He let go of the long grey strand and cradled Jushiro's injured foot in his lap. His fingers caressing the top tenderly and the bottom of Jushiro's foot gripped sternly by his other. Rough but retrained. That was what Jushiro had thought when he had first saw him swing his katana. There was a controlled savageness to his swing.

"Rough and restrained" he repeated softly and Shinsui took his thumbs to where the vase fragment was lodged and applied pressure. A tight pain seized Jushiro's foot but something stronger washed over his body. Pleasure. Unadulterated pleasure.

The piece fell out and blood trickled down. Shinsui wiped the thin stream of blood with his finger and kept it positioned with pressure over the small wound.

"Rough and restrained. I've never heard that before"

"Why do you want to numb yourself" Jushiro asked huskily. His desire so blatant displayed.

"Not caring makes life a lot easier. Since purging myself of emotion is difficult, I'd rather numb myself" he deepened the pressure on wound causing Jushiro to let out a small moan.

A smile played on Shinsui's lips as Jushiro's head fell back.

"Look at you. Making me spill all my secretes just on the first date"

Maybe it was his light hearted tone. Maybe it was the mention of the word date. Or maybe it was how responsive his body was becoming. Whatever, the case, the teasing made Jushiro more bothered than appreciative. This is why he composed himself with urgency.

He removed his foot from Shinsui's grip so fluidly, that Shinsui was momentarily dumbstruck by the quickness.

Jushiro quickly made his way to the door.

"Did I tease you too much?" Yes, Shinsui was baffled by the change in his demeanor, but a little cajoling could fix anything.

"I really thought I knew you." He replied quietly and Shinsui realized the seriousness of the moment. His eyes clouded over, and his shoulders tightened.

"I mean we just met. Or have you been following me?" He said this in an easy tone.

"No, but whenever we are in the same room, I pay attention to you. My eyes don't need to follow you to know what you're doing and how you're feeling. I can just feel you. And I honestly thought that you had the ability to understand emotions. But you just toy with them."

"What are you talking about?" Shinsui's guard was up and in full force.

"Don't be oblivious. It's not flattering. You knew exactly what you were going to do on that couch."

With that said Jushiro let himself out. Leaving Shinsui to indulge in much needed self-reflection.


End file.
